You Can’t Rush Your Healing

I was working on a new Spotify playlist for class last week and this one song from Trevor Hall really struck me at my core.
 
If you’ve been in my classes this last week you may have caught it a few times, and if I see you in the next few weeks you may get sick of it as I plan on playing it a few more times.
 
It’s called “You Can’t Rush Your Healing” and those words alone strike me, as this last year has been…a full one.
 
Full of the good and the bad.
 
Full of tough lessons and deep growth.
 
Full of humility and discomfort.
 
…You can’t rush your healing…
 
Sit with those words for a second.
 
What do they mean for you in this moment?
 
Through my reflection, I’ve come to the realization that…you also can’t rush your FEELING.
 
And feeling and healing come hand in hand.
 
You can’t heal, without first feeling.
 
You can’t grow, without learning from the discomfort.
 
For me, that means slowing down.
 
As we get older, turn into adults, I think we forget sometimes that we’re not supposed to know everything.
 
That some things take time to learn and grow from.
 
And it’s important to give yourself the space and patience to sift through your thoughts and feelings, to let the dust settle, and see what appears through all the chaos.
 
You might be surprised.
 
Creating this space for me looks like…
 
Morning meditations, even if it’s only 5 minutes.
 
Teaching weekly classes and holding space for my community.
 
Weekly asana practice.
 
And a newly added practice….an hour of “nothing” on Tuesday nights.
 
Not doing nothing.
 
Just…nothing.
 
Tuesday nights used to be my side project night, I’d have this long list of things to do, and recently, I’ve been so tired that I just binge on Netflix all night.
 
Which, hey, sometimes we all need to watch hours of The Office on repeat …but I noticed it was a pattern of disconnection for me.
 
I was avoiding something.
 
So now Tuesday nights I settle in my bedroom for an hour and observe.
 
Sometimes that means meditating, sometimes it's laying on the ground looking at the ceiling, sometimes it moving in shapes on the floor and moving static energy through my body.
 
But the most important part of it, I have no agenda.
 
There’s no goal to accomplish.
 
I’m a very driven person, so the idea of “wasted” time, which this often feels like for me, makes my skin itch.
 
So I’ve shifted my perspective…it’s not wasting time, but instead, creating space.
 
And this is necessary.
 
Creating space to observe and settle.
 
Creating space to feel.
 
Creating space to heal and grow and reflect.
 
I’ve found that when I give myself this space, a newfound appreciation and gratitude for life starts to appear.
 
My priorities become way more clear, and tough decisions now feel effortless.
 
Also, don’t get me wrong here…
 
This is an extremely uncomfortable practice for me.
 
My monkey brain kicks in and I try and talk my self out of it, try to convince myself an hour isn’t necessary…and, oh yes! this would be a perfect time to reorganize my closet!
 
Creating space on your own is hard, and it’s why community is so important.
 
I love the little community we’ve started to build through these love notes and my weekly classes.
 
I’m so grateful for the space and energy you all bring to class, and the space you hold for yourself and each other when you read these love notes.
 
I can feel it.
 
It warms my heart, and I hope you can feel the love I send you while I type this letter.
 
One last nugget of thought I’ll leave you with…it’s also another line from Trevor’s song…
 
Darkness has its teachings.
 
(pause)
 
Darkness has its teachings.
 
…Woahhhhhhh.
 
Do you get goosebumps reading that too?
 
If you're currently struggling through some darkness right now, know that you’ve got a whole community of people you haven’t even met yet that are holding so much love and space for you.
 
Then take your right hand, place it on your heart, and take a big breath.
 
What do you need right now?
 
What do you feel right now?
 
If you haven’t taken some time in awhile to check in with yourself, do it now.
 
There’s no better moment.
 
“Later” never comes.
 
Sending you so much love my friend.
 
As always, I’m so grateful you are a part of this community.
 
I hope life is wonderful and hope to see you in class soon!
 
Xo
 
Taylor

Taylor PangmanComment